My Music

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

My Season

Today marked my recognition that fall is soon coming. I'm a little sad. Watching summer fade is a slow process, and sometimes a desolate one, seeing as the world is dying. Ah, but dying is the wrong word to use. It's too permanent. The world is changing. Fall is the gift we are given to make the transition from summer to winter easier. The colors blind us from the falling leaves, the cool weather distracts us from its inevitable drop, and my excitement to buy new hats and scarves make it easier to put my flip flops away. I'm excited for crunchy leaves!

Monday, September 7, 2009


Maybe it shouldn't matter so much to me. I mean, I've never had a short supply of friendships, and every one of them mean a world of happiness to me. You already know I would give anything for the people I love. I like to think they would do the same for me. That's what makes life so great. The people I love, love me back. Does it seem like a silly thing to be grateful for? Unconditional love from one person to another should never be taken for granted.

And that's why I'm so unhappy about this. I did, for one fleeting moment, take a friendship for granted, I think you could even say I took advantage of it. How fragile the balance of our lives are, one minute a fluent rhythm of cogs and wheels that make it run like clock work, the next, a balancing act that teeters on the edge of a very deep abyss. Sometimes there's no coming back from that.

I've written about this before. About a friendship that was jeopardized because of my own actions. Mine is an exemplary life that should be looked to when you wonder what you should not do. I am that example, sitting on my pedestal of mistakes and bad decisions with the "Dunce" cap on my head. If you want to do the right thing, take a leaf out of someone else's book.

I don't want to be quarantined. I feel huge remorse for hurting my friend, this brilliantly clever individual who would play my games of humor and laugh even when I was just being dumb. Who couldn't appreciate this? None of you need to hear this, but I needed to let the cosmos know that I do have a conscience, and I am very sorry.

For the first time in my life, sunsets make me sad.