My Music

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Spring Cleaning

Let me tell you my friends, it's been an interesting few weeks. There have been a lot of good moments. There have been a lot of bad. A lot of growth, and that kind of pain that comes with growth. I've really enjoyed it, for the most part. Nothing gets me through the bad times like the good times. And the weather.

I mean, have we ever seen a June like this? Of constant rain showers and thunder storms? Has Salt Lake ever been so blessed? Mormons drive me crazy sometimes. We're always praying for more moisture, and the minute the Lord complies with his obedient saints, all this talk goes up about how tired we are of rain. It amazes me that a desert people such as we could ever take something like it for granted.

Rain, to me, is a healing element. Nothing seems to make me feel quite as awestruck as a rain storm. My patio is the perfect place to witness these. I don't often put down what I'm doing for the sake of a moment, but on the off chance I do, it's probably for rain. Because rain fixes things. It cleanses. It washes the streets, makes everything green, takes away the pollution. And it clears the mind. Inhale that whiff of wet earth and try not to feel better.

Rain helps you embrace things. It helps you to let go. It mends. It excites. It often provokes the urge to dance. To say the very least, it's like magic.

It's a beautiful thing my friends, a very beautiful thing. Don't take it for granted.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Misery Loves Company

So I have this problem. I like people.

As in, I thrive on other people's happiness. Sounds morbid, right? It's not. I've just found that it's hard for me to be happy when someone I love is less than the same. I can't stand it. Worse than this, however, is when I am the direct cause of their unhappiness. When it's my fault. And right now, it's definitely my fault.

At least, I feel like it is. Maybe there's more. There probably is. But whatever the circumstance, I know that I was of no help to it. And I am wrought with guilt. Why was I so careless? Seeing my friend so miserable created a deep set misery inside myself, and I can't seem to pull out of it. I don't want to be in this place, but it's so hard not to be.

I'm also frustrated because we're not really friends anymore. I try daily to mend things, and he ends up insulting me in some enormous way that makes me vow to really try and not be friends with him anymore. But then a half hour passes, my feelings are not as hurt as they were, and I find myself trying to justify the words that were said to me.

I guess I'm looking for some advice. I'm willing to be persistent, but I don't know if I should. One the one hand, it hurts a lot. On the other, a friendship is something worth a little hardship, isn't it? You tell me.