Life, Death, and an Opportunity

I feel not so well today, but only physically. For some reason, my mood is much better when I'm sick. I have no complaints, my mood can be whatever it wants to, I’m flexible. I was going to post a blog sooner than now, but opportunity didn’t provide, so I have a lot to make up for and very little patience to do it.

Margot has moved out of our apartment. It’s a little sad, knowing how good friends we used to be, and how easily things could have been fixed, had compliancy been more apart of our human nature. Still, I think things will be much better now that she’s gone. River, my beautiful black rabbit, died this week. I miss her, and regret more than anything that I didn’t go out and visit her on Tuesday like I was planning. Still, death and life sometimes go hand in hand. Ariel is pregnant, and I’m going to be an Aunt, finally! I’m so excited, and a little jealous too. Oh, I’m not even implying that I’m anywhere near ready to have a baby, but she looks so happy all the time. Now I know what they mean when they talk about the glow that pregnant mothers have, it’s an ageless beauty. Ariel is already beautiful, so it only adds to an already spectacular display of kindness and radiance.

I met with TRU Talent Agency upon their request, and they expressed interest in working with me. It was flattering, and I won’t deny that I’m more than just a little tempted to take up the offer, but it would mean making a lot of changes that I don’t know I’m brave enough to make. Shallow as it sounds, it was a dream come true to hear that someone thought I was pretty enough for magazines and movies. But that’s where it ends, because I know it’s a shallow thought, and it would be a hollow life, were it to come true. I thought about it long and hard, about what I wanted, and what I was doing with my life. Well, I’m not doing anything, and now would be the perfect opportunity to make this leap, but what happens after that? See, I’ve got this brain, and I want to use it for something. Pretty sure it takes no brain to be a model, just skill and technique. I feel like it would be defeating the purpose of my being here. Ah, the triviality of trivial things.

Mold.

So. I think I may major in Psychology, just to better understand my living conditions. That's right, folks. There's been another episode of "War of the Roommates." I take that back, it's not really a War if only one side is fighting, right?

Generally, I'm a nice person, unless you target me directly with a nasty comment, and then I'm likely to get very nasty back. A defense mechanism, if you will. I'm somewhat fond of myself, and don't like it when people are unkind. This doesn't concern only me though, this is about everyone. I'm looking at these personalities that just can't seem to help but criticize, condemn, and blame others. It's nerve wracking, frustrating, that people are so inconsiderate that they wouldn't think about what they're saying. Who likes being talked about?

It was the most beautiful day today! I regret not spending more of it outside. Days seem to fly by now, I hardly have any time to do all that needs doing. This doesn't bother me terribly. This semester is old and moldy now, and I think I'm ready for a new one.

Stale

Well, it's been an interesting week. Good, bad, hard, tiring, funny, relentless. Definitely relentless. It was like taking a very wary stroll down Memory Lane. Because Memory Lane isn't always filled with those childhood games and first kisses and sunsets. Sometimes it's filled with indecision, hurt friends, and regrets. Lots of regrets. I don't think Memory Lane necessarily entails strolling. I think sometimes it entails running.....or hiding. The past is unpleasant sometimes.

But many times it's not.

I am wearing a hat today. Not because my hair is particularly unattractive, but more just because maybe that will keep all these thoughts from bursting through the layer of self called my head. Last night the air felt so stale in my apartment that I had to run for my life to the balcony so I could breathe again. I just felt burdened, that's all. Not enough of my life has anything to do with me right now, and that's not a bad thing, I suppose. It's just that so many people needed my attention last night, it was wearing. I'm better now, still tired emotionally and physically for exerting myself in the way I have been in the last week, but I think it will get better from here on out. And, in the words of a wise, blue fish, "Keep swimming, just keep swimming!"